Unanswered Questions

One of the items my dad left behind after his death was his Overdrive magazine collection. Overdrive was a monthly magazine for the Independent Truck Driver. Dad’s collection included issues from the 60’s to the 80’s, which covered most of his career behind the wheel of a big rig. Scott and I debated, do we keep these? In the end, we decided to keep a few of the issues and sell the rest.

Over the past several months, we’ve been putting them up on eBay. I recently received a nice note from a buyer telling me how he admired the owner/operators of past years. It seems these days, most of the trucks on the road are nothing like the trucks of the past years, when truck drivers took great pride in their occupation, perfecting their trucks to make them unique and fast.

This note reminded me of something else I have regretted since dad and mom’s death, in 2014 and 2015 respectively. Lately, I have found myself on a journey, telling others that if their grandparents, parents or close friends are still living, to be certain they don’t leave questions unanswered. What I realized over the past 4 years is that I have, what I call, the 100 unanswered questions, the questions I never asked. Sometimes I would be in a moment and think, oh, I’ll ask next time. Maybe I was afraid of the answer or maybe I just did not know how to ask the questions, these questions that have come to me later in life.

Over Labor Day weekend, I was privileged to spend time with the Anderson side of my family, my mom’s family—my cousins and our aunt, my mom’s sister and the last of the siblings still here. It was not a fancy gathering. We had a meal one night, time of sharing, and then more food and visiting the next day. We simply sat and talked about the past and our memories, our parents and grandparents. My mom came from a family of 5 sisters and 2 brothers. One sister died as an infant.

I find it sad at times that I only knew one grandparent. My mom’s mom died before I was born and her dad died 3 years after I was born. My dad’s dad died when my dad was just 9 months old. This left me with my Grandma Lou. She was one special lady. My brother and I spent a lot of time at her house, him probably more than me. She told great stories, she cooked great meals, and she was always quick to put you on her lap in the car and let you drive. She was a business woman, loading her car each morning with fresh milk and butter to sell to her regular customers. She would spend the morning driving around the county, but to her, it was more than just selling her products. She taught us about relationships and spending time with people. I regret I never asked her questions about what it was like growing up before the Depression, about being a widow at such a young age, what my grandfather was like, what her dreams were and if she had any regrets. From what I can recall, she was always happy, even when cancer took over her body.

My brother and I recently made a trip to our hometown, and we literally spent the two hour drive reminiscing about our childhoods, our parents and growing up in small town Kentucky. As you think about the questions you want to ask, start simple. I really don’t believe I ever asked my dad, did you like your job, was it hard being away from home each week, what was it like growing up without his biological dad? And even more, did you drive fast, what were your cars like, what was your biggest struggle, who was your best friend growing up? The same could be said for my mom, did you like having a big family, what did you do for fun, what were your parents like, how did you and dad meet, do you have regrets, did you enjoy the grocery business or was it a job, what was the happiest time in your life?

You see, from this short list, I have a lot of unanswered questions. And unfortunately, they will always remain unanswered. That is a regret for me.

You may find some answers painful, but more than likely, you will find joy and humor and a little more peace knowing that you asked all you could. You will be able to share with those closest to you and the stories of your past will live on.

In closing, I encourage you to start a journey by asking questions, the questions that you don’t want to leave unanswered, the ones you will someday regret if you don’t ask them now.